Dimly Lit

At times I feel lost. Or perhaps lost isn’t exactly right, more like adrift. I can still see the shore so I know where I am, but I am not in control and I am not sure where I am going. There are moments when I am closer to land, and others when I feel that I can barely make out the thin line that would indicate the shore. I am adrift.

To a large degree it is my own fault. I get sucked into the current of everyday life and can’t seem to see beyond that. It carries me along at breakneck speed; kids, wife, home, bills, job, aging/sick parents. I forget to look up and try to see where I am going, much less try to steer and direct my course.

And so I sit here with my office door closed, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and trying to regain some sort of perspective. Looking for landmarks. Writing/reading used to be a sort of compass for me; things that could at least point me in the right direction. And so I am writing. I picked up a Cormac McCarthy’s book The Road last night. And so I am reading.

Looking for landmarks.